From the YM: Tips and Thoughts on Kids and Social Media

Lately I’ve had a few parents ask me for tips on helping their kids navigate the world of social media. I’ve talked with a few of the NVC teens about this as well to get their thoughts and here are a few tips/reminders that I’d like to share.

The question I get asked most often is, “When is my kid old enough to be allowed on social media?” My usual answer is every family needs to make that call on on their own, based on the individual child. Much like rated R movies, dating, driving, and curfew, how ready a kid is to navigate social media ultimately comes down to the parents belief in their maturity, and their willingness to walk alongside their kid as their world expands. The keys are an open and honest talk beforehand, clear expectations and guidelines, and a willingness for kids and parents to revisit the issue on a frequent basis.

There are a three areas I recommend talking about before allowing your child on social media:

Setup.

• Parents should register social media accounts to a shared (or parent) email so notifications of changes in security are sent immediately.
• Parents should have password access to the account for an agreed upon time. My recommendation would be until High School. Obviously, that timeframe should be based upon trust that has accrued.
• Especially when it comes to younger kids, parents should be on every social media platform that their kids are, and connected to their account.

Safety.

• All social media accounts should be set to private, meaning anyone that views the posts or profile have to request permission beforehand.
• All friends requests/followers/subscribers should be approved by parents for an agreed upon amount of time.
• Turn off all location settings for posts until an agreed upon time. Almost every social media app has a setting allowing your location to be displayed. A quick internet search can help you turn that off.
• Report all bullying immediately to the social media outlet.

Posting guidelines.

• For the first several weeks/months kids should get verbal approval from parents before posting anything to social media. This allows kids and parents to establish a mutual understanding of what the family does/does not want public. It also allows parents to speak to the kids about potential dangers of social media in a non-threatening way.

A few other ideas to consider:

Social media is well past mainstream acceptance, and is a viable means of communication, but like any other means of communication there are social cues to be learned. Talk with your kids about what they see on their feed, and how they feel, or want to respond.

One of the dangers of social media is the temptation to use it as a means of self-worth. Unless you are getting paid for posting (a growing, viable demographic we’ll talk about at another time) how many likes, followers, reposts etc… does not determine your self worth.

Like I mentioned before, social media is an increasingly valid form of communication. Encourage your kids to think about what they want to communicate. Do they want to share extraordinary events? Daily life? Encouragement? Connecting with others? Creating an intentional plan for how to use social media encourages your kids to use social media to be a blessing to others. For example, instead of posting selfies, maybe there is a friend they can build up instead.

Respond to what your kids post in person. If your kid posts a great picture of the sunset, let them know you enjoy their photography, or the way they see the world. If they post a picture of their group of friends, compliment them on their decision making, and ask how one of the friends is doing. If you’re struggling with a conversation topic, your kids social media account may provide a great lightning rod for conversation, and insight into their personality.

I’d love to hear your tips and advice for helping kids navigate social media as well. Feel free to share in the comments below.

One love, One heart.

Tips for the Meet & Greet.

I typed ‘Church Greeter’ into Google image search. This was by far my favorite find.

A little while back a friend of mine asked for tips on ‘meeting and greeting’ students. I’ve always been more inclined to accept ministry tips than to give them, so here’s a few simple pointers that I’ve picked up from others along the way.

-Hold every human life in high regard. The more we see people from the perspective of Jesus, the more likely we are to treat every life as worthy of investment.

-Every person is interesting. Sometimes it takes a little investigating to figure out the details, but when we start with ‘this person is interesting’ in mind it’s a lot easier to make a connection.

-Every person has something to offer. Building on the last point, people generally want to share what makes them unique or gifted. Finding what a person has to offer and giving them a chance to use their gift is a great way to build a relationship.

-Every person needs something. Can anyone meet everyone’s needs? No. But that’s not a reason to avoid this key to building a relationship. I typically divide my lack of desire to address people’s needs into two categories; either I can’t fulfill their needs so I don’t even ask, or I am more concerned with having my needs met. Either way, simply identifying and understanding the needs of others can be a huge benefit to a relationship.

-Ask questions. At some level, everyone wants to talk about themselves. Asking the right questions can break down the barriers of even the most extreme introvert. I have a few ‘go-to’ questions that I use when I first meet a student:

-What are you into? Sports, theater, music?

-What position/instrument do you play? What shows have you been in?

The key here is to keep digging. It might mean a lengthy conversation about a weird topic, but that’s half the fun of building a relationship with someone.

-Everything is cool. I’m not into video games, but several of my students are, therefore: video games are awesome. I’m not saying fake an interest in something you don’t like, but to allow the other person to express theirs. This has only backfired on me once when a kid talked about video games every time he saw me for 6 months because I feigned interest in that first conversation.

-Embarrass yourself. I’m not talking about slipping on a banana peel or anything that extreme, but a little self deprecating humor can go a long way. It shows your confidence and lets others know they don’t’ have to be perfect either.

-Leverage your position. The responsibility to make the first move to initiate conversation, or create relationship should go to the person with home-field advantage. If you’re a member of a church, or at the very least have been there for a while, then you should be much more comfortable than someone walking in for the first time.

-Practice. Talk to as many people as you can. For example, food service employees are great training ground for relational ministry. They interact with hundreds of people a day and live in constant fear of ‘can I talk to your manager’ if they’re not at the very least polite to every customer.

-Initiate physical contact. Whether it’s a firm handshake, a two-minute ‘secret’ shake, an awkward side hug or a simple pat on the back, get to physical contact as soon as possible. All kinds of barriers come down when physical contact comes into play. Just be sure to know the appropriate contact, pretty sure the little old ladies at church are tired of me throwing a fist up there for a bump.

One love, one heart.

Not Ashamed.

This is the painting I did for our current series at NVC called ‘Not Ashamed’. Along with several compliments, I’ve received quite a few questions asking me to explain the painting.

Life can get messy. Sin, tragedy, struggle… These things can overwhelm us to the point where they begin to become our identity. There have been times in my life where it’s hard to imagine God seeing me as anything but a dark mess. In those moments its hard to feel anything but ashamed in the presence of God.

But in the midst of all that mess is a soul. A soul that God loves so deeply, that He sent Jesus to die as a means of redemption. That redemption means my identity is no longer defined by my sin, the messiness of my life, or any of those things that make me feel ashamed.

My identity comes from Christ.

And that is good news.

This painting is about giving up that old identity. Seeing beyond the mess of sin and pain and all the shame it brings. It’s about the weary soul being resurrected by the Good News, and no longer being ashamed.

One love, one heart.

Beatboxing with Julliard.

I saw a link for this video a few weeks ago, and was immediately drawn in to see how these two styles of art would work together. The end result was pretty impressive.

This performance highlights a popular pratctice in creative design; utilizing new and old together to create a unique piece, or structure. It doesn’t take much looking around to see this principle in action:

• Petco Park is one of my favorite baseball stadiums, and one of the defining features of this new ball park is the old Western Metal building the stadium was built around. If you look closely in the pic, you can see the old building has now become the foul pole down the left field line.

• Hatch Show Print is an old printing company, specializing in concert posters. They are responsible for one of the more popular classic looks in poster design, and still print originals from their vintage typefaces today. Here’s a pic of a Johnny Cash print I own, printed a few years ago off of the original plates:

• I just looked up and realized that even now, I’m in a coffee shop that just opened up in an old brick building. The decor? Black and white photos hung up on an old brick wall. Modern and classic.

This concept of new and old working together can benefit the Church as well. We named our Church ‘New Vintage‘ because we felt a call to communicate classic ideas and truths, from a modern perspective. When it comes to the look and feel of our church we try and maintain a healthy balance of new and classic design. This applies top down, incuding everything from our physical presence, our advertising, preaching, worship, ministries, events… We even work on ways that younger families can grow relationally with our senior saints.

Here are a few tips for making new and vintage work together in harmony when it comes to church:

• Vintage works best in proper doses. If everything in your house is vintage, it’s easy for the individual pieces to get lost, and they lose their appeal, or simply feel ‘old’. If you put a few of the best vintage pieces in a room, they become a highlight, or a talking point. For an example, we like singing older songs in worship services, but we make sure that they don’t dominate the playlist. This helps preserve our enjoyment of these songs, and makes them somewhat of a special occasion. They’re highlights because they’re allowed to stand out.
• Not everything that is old, is vintage. Some stuff is just old. I call this the Pawn Stars factor. Just because an idea, event, program etc has been around forever, and a few people might like it, does not mean it has a high value. This one is tough because we tend to put sentimental value high up on the priorities list. Currently we don’t have any Sunday morning bible classes for anyone over 7, which might seem odd for folks from my church background. As great as a full palette of classes can be, we understand the drain and stress it creates on families, volunteers, and the staff. After much discussion we finally agreed that Sunday school was a great idea for another context, but did not have enough value for us to tax our congregation. I am in no way saying Sunday school has zero value, but in our culture with new family dynamics, it was an older tradition that we had to set aside.
• Vintage needs to fit the context. Going back to baseball, Fenway Park would not work very well in San Diego. Fenway’s appeal is based on nostalgia and tradition in a town with a long storied history in our country. San Diego didn’t really boom until after WWII, and the Padres don’t exactly have a long storied past to draw from. Instead, Petco Park was designed to be extremely family friendly, with a lot of open spaces, and it’s  got a great view of the ocean. It even has a sandbox in the outfield bleachers for kids to play in during the games. It’s the perfect park for a city built on sprawling suburbs and a beach attitude. In church, new ideas have difficulty flourishing in places that value tradition over innovation. Likewise, it’s hard to expect a steady diet of old ideas to be successful in a culture that doe
• Lastly, vintage works with the appropriate amount of patina (one of those words used constantly on Pawn Stars). If an item is 50 years old, it should look fifty years old. If it went through a war, it should show signs of war. But, for those vintage items to be valuable, they have to be in great shape considering what they’ve been through. And if something is new, faking the aging process looks, fake. In church, this means that old ideas need to find that balance of feeling traditional, but still have the ability to be a blessing. If an idea, or an event, becomes more of a burden than a blessing, the patina is taking away from the overall value. Likewise, if we try and attach sentimental value to a new idea to make it fit in with and old paradigm, it becomes an oddity, or a distraction, and is tough to be taken seriously.

Feel free to add any other ideas on how new and vintage ideas can work together succesfully.

One love, one heart.

Ministry Goal: Peace

This past week I was blessed to preach at NVC on the subject of Peace, coming from Colossians 3. He are a few notes from the sermon that I’d like to share. You can check out the full sermon audio/ video at newvintagesd.org.

Godly peace is more than a moment or a destination. It is an active process, or discipline, that requires exercise to grow.
Peace is more than the absence of conflict. In fact, it’s during the most chaotic times that peace, especially Godly peace, tends to stand out the most.
The problem with narrowing peace down to a few moments of calm is that these moments tend to be few and far between, and they very rarely last as long as we’d like. Chasing after a narrow view of peace can be a frustrating and miserable journey.
True peace is a fruit of the spirit. It is a way of life that comes from allowing Christ to fill your heart, and a constant focus on things from above.

It doesn’t take much to look around see how much our culture celebrates  “life at war”. Many of our most popular tv shows thrive by cramming a group of twentysomethings into a house filled with everything but inhibition and letting the cameras catch all the ensuing drama. Even our political discourse often devolves into talking heads trying to ‘win’ an argument by yelling over each other. I’m reminded of something my dad told me once, “If you get into an argument you’ve already lost.”

In Colossians Paul writes that we are to put down our weapons of rage, anger, malice, lying and filthy language. These are a part of a life of war filled with immorality, lust and other evil desires. As Christians, we look at these weapons in the rear view mirror, a shadow of a former life.

We have a new fight. It is a fight for peace. And we arm ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. We don’t fight for peace according to the world’s rules anymore. Instead, we model ourselves after a man who taught us to turn the other cheek, to forgive as we have been forgiven. A man who mended the ear of his attacker, and won an eternal victory for us all by dying on a cross. 

Practicing peace is a spiritual discipline, a constant process of growth that is driven by the Holy Spirit. It brings about new perspective of our world, and a maturity in our relationship with God. I think the more we practice peace the easier it is for us to understand that our victories have already been won. And with that, I leave you with the words of Paul:

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:15-17)

One love, one heart.