One of the joys of being in the dating scene for a while is amassing a nice collection of war stories from dates gone bad. I’ve tried to narrow down the list to my top 3 worst dates. Before we get into #3 here are a few highlights from ones that missed the cut:
- The date that yelled at me (literally) because I put our bicycling trip around Mission Bay on pause for 30 seconds to see if the young lady bleeding from her head and yelling at the top of her lungs needed any help. Turns out she was just drunk and had tripped and fell but still, somebody should at least stop and check right? Best line of the night, “You don’t need to be THAT kind of a minister”.
- The girl the said we had not been on a real date because I hadn’t spent more than $50 on her for dinner. The total bill was $78.
- The girl who talked for 72 minutes (timed it) about how much she loved the show Friends. Best line of the night, “How much of a Rachel do you think I am?”
And now on to the countdown with Worst Date #3:
My senior year of college in Oklahoma I was asked out by a freshmen from a small town. I said yes to the date because a girl asking a guy out on a date at OC was not as common as the traditional routine, and I figured it was out of her comfort zone to do so. That kind of courage earned at least one date, and I wasn’t one to say no to someone crazy enough to ask me out without the aid of WPA (women pay all: yes, it’s a thing) week. She suggested dinner and a movie. Not the ideal first date setup but she seemed pretty excited so I went along. She also said she wanted to drive to which, in my experience in Oklahoma, was pretty unusual.
My roommates said they heard she was pretty weird, and I should bail, but I decided to go ahead and proceed, keeping an eye out just in case she took a turn for the crazy.
I knew it was going to be a long night when she didn’t want to talk. At all. About anything. I asked questions about her home town, how she liked school, books, movies, the usual first date stuff. I’ve never heard anybody respond to that many questions with that few words. At best I got an awkward grin and a shoulder shrug. Yikes. By the time we got to dinner I was already pondering a ‘run out the clock’ strategy for the night and return the silence. Fortunately we had a movie to kill some time. So we watched some boring movie for a couple of hours and start heading back to campus. It was about a ten minute drive with not a lot in between the school and the movie theaters. As we came up to one of the intersections in the middle of the open land on the way home, she put her hand on my knee, stopped the car, and asked “So what should we name our kids?”
“What should we name our kids? I think we’d have cute kids.”
“No offense, but we hardly know each other. I think it might be a little early to be talking about naming kids.”
Waterworks. Not just teary-eyed, ‘what-you-don’t like-me?’ tears, but full on, my life is a teenage soap opera crying.
At this point we are stopped in the middle of nowhere far enough from school where I don’t really want to walk, which was the first thought that crossed my mind. It was the first time in my life I seriously regretted not having a cell phone. Or a whistle. Or anything. This chic had the potential to be a bucket full of crazy and I was stuck in the car with her. Switch to damage control, get home safely.
“What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone want to go out with me?”
Next thoughts, maybe getting left out here in the middle of nowhere isn’t that bad. Wait, did she mention guns earlier? Why is her hand still on my knee?
“I’m sure you’re really nice, but we’ve just met and we really haven’t had a chance to get know each other. Why don’t we head on back to campus? You don’t want to be late for curfew”. Making this the first time I was ever grateful for curfew at OC.
After a few more minutes of tears a car finally came up behind us, and we got moving again. And we headed back to campus. She parked by the girls dorms across the campus from my apartment. I didn’t mind the walk, but I did skip the part where I wanted to kiss the ground after making it safely out of that car. Four hours of my life were never coming back, but I had managed to talk my way out of getting left in the middle of nowhere by an emotionally unstable freshmen, so all in all, I call it a win.
More awkward and embarassing moments to come soon.
One love, one heart.