Shouldn’t that ‘blasting zone’ sign really be a ‘road closed’ sign instead? – Brian Regan

i love a great awkward moment.

so i’ve been on this gym kick for the past few months, and as of late i’ve become somewhat of a gym rat which is funny in and of itself. anyways, one of the reasons i like my gym is because it’s not the meat market that i was expecting, most of the other people there at 9 am are guys in their seventies, and moms in their fifties. i like this because there are no ‘distractions’ and i can use my workout as a prayer time going for that whole exercise the body, exercise the soul mentality.
anyways, that all came crashing down the other morning when i went to the gym and walked into a supermodel convention. everywhere i turned there is one female more attractive than the next, making me somewhat suspicious that i might be on a hidden camera show or something. so about halfway through my workout i head over to the squat machine, and i’m on my last set of reps when this insanely attractive woman starts using the free squat press next to me. she puts on way too much weight and is shaking trying to do her squats, so i offer her a spot (proper gym etiquette of course). she racks the weight and i suggest that she put on less weight and try for more reps. so she asks me to spot her again which brings about several thoughts: 1. i can’t believe a stranger this hot is talking to me. 2. when did i become a fitness expert? 3. i can’t believe a stranger this hot is talking to me. and 4. how far back are you supposed to stand from someone when you give them a spot doing squats?
so i’m standing a few feet back with my arms stretched out and she starts into her reps. on her third squat she gets pretty low down and proceeds to rip one of the biggest farts i have ever heard. in my 27 years on this earth i have never heard a fart like this from a man or a woman. the best way to describe this fart is that it sounded like one of the speakers at the gym blew out. she starts to fall to her knees so i push the weight forward to get it into the rack and she curls up on the floor with her face buried in her hands not saying a word. i look around and every person in that corner of the gym has stopped and is looking over in our direction. i catch a glimpse of her face in the mirror and it is fire engine red, and i can’t tell if she’s laughing or crying. i’m speechless. it’s not everyday that you are in the blast zone of a supermodel fart.
before i can figure out what to say, she picks up all of her stuff and literally runs out of the gym. after realizing that my shot at impressing a supermodel at the gym has completely passed i realize that i am standing in an area that is a little less than fresh, and everyone that is passing through this area now thinks that i am responsible for the rancid smell. so i head over to the other side of the gym tagged, frustrated, and cracking up.

epilogue:
she wasn’t there yesterday morning and i had to go to a meeting this morning so i haven’t hit the gym yet. but, i hope to see her again sometime cause that’s just funny. i’m not sure what i’ll say, but i can’t wait to hang out and talk to the farting supermodel.

one love, one heart.

(ask me how tempted i was to end it one love, one fart)

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Author: djiverson

I am a Christian, son, brother, artist and friend. I am blessed to be the Youth & Family Minister at New Vintage Church in San Diego. Know You Are Loved.

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