so today is may favorite day of the year by far.
opening day of the baseball season should be a major holiday. if we have arbor day where we honor trees then we def should make today a national holiday. people should get off work, kids should be dismissed from school… the whole nine. columbus didn’t even discover america and he has a holiday. so the cuz and i decided we would re-organize our calendar around baseball. needless to say we had a lot of fun with this…
so here are the changes/ additions we made.
opening day will now be called new years day
off season is now lent
the post season is now called the high holy days
the day after the world series is dia de los muertos
the all star game is election day
thanksgiving is now referred to as charlie kerfeld day in honor of the astros pitcher who could throw down some turkey.
because columbus didn’t get his directions right, we are renaming his day yogi berra day.
the day that pitchers report to spring training will be called joe neikro day
the 19th of every month is tony gwynn day
every day of the season is cal ripken day
the world series is pentecost
game one is passover
the playoffs are now the state of the union or the primaries
the first game of the playoffs is now the iowa caucus
hall of fame induction day is now known as veterans day
good friday is now the first friday after both the cubs and red sox have been eliminated from the pennant race
the day before opening season is now field of dreams day
the day before easter is bud selig day
november is now baseball history month
the home run derby will be known as arbor day, in honor of the lumber that is used
halloween is now the home opener of the oakland raiders (this has nothing to do with baseball, we just thought it was appropriate)
valentines day is now salary arbitration day (the whole ‘will you be mine’ idea), it is also known as ‘barry bonds media day’
st. patricks day is now fenway park day, in honor of the big green monster
the spring time change is now bunt day
the fall time change is now relief pitcher day
april 15th is now alex rodriguez day (this is subject to change depending on who is the highest paid player as of the start of the season)
the 31st of every month is designated hitter day
memorial day is now throwback jersey day
mother’s day is a league of their own day
fathers day is now yankees/pedro martinez day
juneteenth is negro league day
march 4th is now kirby puckett day
the span of days where dimaggio hit in 56 straight games will be called the great flood
jackie robinson day
shot heard round the world day
nolan ryan day (to celebrate the day he beat up robin ventura)
mcgwire performance enhancement day
billy hatcher ‘cork your bat day’
mccarver leap day (we skip this day in honor of our least favorite commentator, tim mccarver)
disco demolition day
we will rock you day
peter gammons/ bob costas day
major league quote day
we should have the bill before congress in time for the 06 season.
oh yeah, i don’t want to get into too many of the laws that we made up as well, but we thought right after the singing of the national anthem the crowd and players hsould recite james earl jones speech from field of dreams.
“The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh… people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.”
this years world series picks: padres vs. angels
one love one heart, and PLAY BALL!